my summer of 2016 was diffuclt... but God still got me.

I had been depressing during the whole summer...
 
tried to get everything in perfect order, tried to be a awesome person to others, and tried to serve for the Lord... Really, so many things that I can make the list in this blog. but, I decided to choose three that I feel it is top three.
 
But... God still got me. still have me. still love me. never forsaken me. He is so good and always perfect in his plan, not mine. 
 
     "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah  29:11 (MSG),
 

Last September, it hit me on the bottom floor and realized that I'm so worth to the Lord and if I been like that and doubt about myself, and I hurt God's feeling, too. HE created me and sent me on the earth for his purpose in my life.
 
he gave me many gifts, which I didn't see.
 
A Wife...
    A Mother...
        An Aunt...
             A friend...
                   A Sister...
                        A Worker...
                              A Event-planner...
 
maybe more in my future, who knows? Lord always knew where I would go in the path which I will choose and see what I will go and will said, " oh, that's what you want me to do?" then okay, I will follow him all the way. sometime I could be disagree, BUT he will prove me that he is right and I'm wrong. I would like, oh you are right. I always feel his laughter and said, that's okay, my precious child. just obey me then you will see what happen. I have to go through the trails and faith in HIM all the way. He want to see me to be stronger and share my experience with others if they feel that same way as I do.

i aint cool mom....

Tell you the truth, I ain't cool mom....

know why?

if I'm cool mom, my kids would think that I'm cool mom and let them have everything what they want.

OR

be friend with them and social with their friends... acting like their age. that would be EMBARRASSING!

TRUST ME....


I'm GOOD mom to my kids... they need tough love and showing grace throughgh the Lord... i do want my kids said about me, my mom is so good to me and love me a lot no matter what if i fall in mistake or acting stupid or something like that. she will pull me out of mistakes and showing me grace and tough love and i want to be like her. 

i don't want my kids said about me, my mom is so cool! know why? she bought me ipad! let me go out to partying with my friends! or she let me drink beers whatever i want!

NO NO NO to this.... why? this WILL led them to mistakes that they will stuck in and hard to get out and never learn.

i want my kids growing up in GRACE and TOUGH love, so they can showing grace and tough love to their future kids. :) of course, they have to learn from mistakes that they will not do that again.

i loves to be a mom and it is HARD... i know that feeling...

my mom never show me grace or tough love through the Lord. I do wish she do that to me. i don't consider my mom as cool or good. i looked up at her as passive and scared.. i don't want to be like her. I do want to be like my pastor's wife or other moms who have passion for the Lord. That's what i want to be like them. they helped me alot and they showed me as a good MOM! 

but, about my mom, i know she had hard life in her whole life, which i can tell. her parents are divorced. (don't know why). her dad disowned her and don't want her to be part of his life. (that's which it is sad). the story between her and him, i have no idea.  her mom has mental illness. that is all i know of. 

I'm so thankful to be a mom that God gave me the purpose. :) 

Psalms 78:6 so the next generation might know them—

even the children not yet born—

and they in turn will teach their own children.

Luke 6:37

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven." ~Luke 6:37

We cant judge on people who isn't saved... because they don't know about sins... or first time awkward about sins...  

BUT we have rights to judge who is christian and knew what is the sin means and doing wrongful and still in the same problem over and over again. we can straight with this person and let them know. judge them in nice way, not insult or strong-bold. just bold in love..

in my experience,  my pastor's wife, Denise, she did judge on me and straight on me because of my sins. i accepted.. she was RIGHT. even, i destroyed my friendship with my good friend... because of adultery. i almost lost my husband and my kids and my church family, too. don't be surprise about that. because of my sin and i lied to them.  so they have rights to judge me because i KNEW what adultery means. I'm wrong. i admit that I'm wrong.. so i went ahead repented and i felt worth to be repented and thanked them for judge me. if they don't judge on me and just pet me and tell me that is okay, don't worry about this, we will take care of this.. NO NO! it will not work. if they do that to me, i will probably don't understand and confuse and go back to my sin. that is what Devil want this! I'm thankful to the Lord about Judge Christian who KNOW about the bible verses relate to SINS. 

where is your Trust to Jesus?

Trust in God, and Trust also in me. ~John 41:1


we need to trust him no matter what.. he will ALWAYS being there for us! i know that feeling when u feel that God isn't there for you but he ACTUALLY be there for you! because you did not ask him for help or praying to him. we need to focus on him and asking him for help. he WILL help and heal your pains and, please remember, we cant change the plan, ONLY HIS plans.

i always said to my friends, " HIS plans, not mine." because he ALREADY make plans for us BEFORE we born. that is why i said. 

His plans, not mine... 

we have to let him do the work and we spread the gospel for him! that is exactly he wants us to do. :)

Changed Heart

"A person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people" ~Romans 2:29
 
What does it means? 

once you focus on earth, do something and forget God, your heart will not change... know why? u allow sin enter your heart and forget God and keep going in filthy world. it is sad to see people fall in the wrong path. it hit my heart and i had been seen many times. few of my friends die from drinking, drugs, and many things. 

we need to look up to the Lord and praise HIM! i had been there in few years ago, i fell in sin and very wrongful of me. then God HIT my face and i fell and hit on the rock, (that's i feel like). one day, my husband told me about climb on the cliff and get top of the mountain and finally get out of the deep hole of sin. i realized.. i really climb very slow... then somehow devil took my hands and foot off and i fell in the deep hole.... he got the point. i was like wow! i really want to climb to the top and get out of the deep hole of sin. we are sinner, no matter what. we have to learn to not do that again. that is God want us to be focus on HIM! :) 

 

You may not see or hear God coming, but you will know when He's been there!

You may not see or hear God coming, but you will know when He's been there!


see this quote? i had experience with God...  how i know? let me tell you....


when i pray to the Lord and ask him what he want me to do go through right path, not wrong path. please show me his sign... somehow, my heart started beat pretty fast, then i realize... my heart is really beating so fast, i didn't run! i swear... i just walked.. not fast.. just normal... then i said, that's what u want me to face things that i need to go through and stand up what I'm doing for right? then my heart beats FASTER!!! so, i know what he want me to do then i did face so many things then i feel peace.. but some things there refuse to be resolve.. which i cant do anything, only Lord can do! :) 

so, I KNEW God is always been there for me all the way! He KNEW I'm deaf... but he know how to do that to tap my heart.. That's what I'm thankful for being saved by Jesus Christ! :) 

Happy first day of July! :)

1) 3 things that i see myself to be: affectionate, modest, and teachable..
 3 things i want friends to see me as: joyful, easygoing, and trusting. 
3 things what my husband to see me as bold, strong, and i forget one word. i will be back with you. lol 
3 things i want my husband to see me as a wife: fun-loving, virtuous, and confident.

2) choosing to park my heart in merciful!

3) 1 Chronicles 16:8

Give thanks to the lord and proclaim his greatness.Let the whole world know what he has done.